Trip To California

Recently, my Mom, Chelsey, and I spent a long weekend in California for my niece's wedding. The wedding was in Berkeley, we stayed in Oakland, and we visited San Francisco.

The last time I was in CA (Monterey for 6 months), was a little over 20 years ago! I don't think I appreciated the beauty of it then.

We arrived in SF late Friday afternoon. The first adventure was finding the car rental place at the airport...I wasn't expecting it to be so far away!

Next came the driving. The van was in my name, so I was the only driver. And what was one of the first things I had to do?? Cross a very long bridge! I've never been a fan of going over bridges, but I do much better when I'm the driver. And after going over a few very long bridges several times, I kind of like them now! I was actually sort of fascinated by them. Yeah, sounds kind of corny, but let's remember, I've lived in the middle of the corn fields for 18 years now!

After a quick stop at the hotel, Chelsey and I went to Sarah, Zachary, and Quinn's

house...which was only minutes from our hotel! And to top that off, we were met there by Vicki, Joel, and Holly!

Unfortunately, due to how long it took to make our way out of the airport, the visit was kind of late, so the kids were a bit tired...one more than the other. ;-)

But wow, how awesome it was to meet them! I started this blog because my daughter had one...that was it. I had never thought I would get the opportunity to meet some incredible people who happen to have a flaw in a gene in common with our family.

Anyway, the visit was great, yummy pizza and wonderful people to visit with! It was a long day, with the Dramamine making it a little longer for me (even the less drowsy version knocks me out a bit).

On Saturday, we hung out with my brother (father of the bride), saw some sites, and just enjoyed being there.

That evening was the wedding....so beautiful. The reception was unlike no other I've seen; I loved the change.

Sunday was more sight seeing, SF and Berkeley. The weather was a bit uncooperative (rainy and chilly), but it was still a good time.

Of course, how could we go to SF without seeing the Golden Gate Bridge!?

This bridge is so long! And there were cars above us; that's a bit freaky for one who has a little fear of bridges....

Yeah, we don't have hills like that in Indiana...didn't take much to entertain me.

My brother and Chelsey

Great time, would love to go back!

20.....20!

Beautiful baby....

....gorgeous young lady!

Chelsey, you're an amazing young woman with a heart of gold. I'm glad you're my daughter...keep filling the world with your sunshine! Happy Birthday!

"She's a butterfly, pretty as the crimson sky

Nothing's ever gonna bring her down

And everywhere she goes

Everybody knows she's so glad to be alive

She's a butterfly

Like the purest light in a darkened world

So much hope inside such a lovely girl

You should see her fly, it's almost magical

It makes you wanna cry, she's so beautiful

God bless the butterfly,

give her the strength to fly

Never let her wings touch the ground

God bless the butterfly,

give her strength to fly

Never let her wings touch the ground"

~~~Martina Mcbride~~~

iHeartFaces--Beach Week!

It's Beach Week at iHeartFaces.

We live next to a cornfield---not a beach. Yes, we've been to different beaches over the years, so I do have some fairly recent photos, but this one is one of my favorites! It's Chelsey, 21 months old....she'll be 20 in a few weeks. Yep, it's an oldie, but I love it!

It was taken when we lived in CT on the shoreline.

I Think He Can, I Think He Can...

My first day of summer vacation was yesterday! Hooray! I thought I'd feel so wonderful when that day came, but really, I felt completely exhausted all day yesterday--not a way to start vacation. I think it was a combination of just plain winding down, and the fact that the day before when I was cleaning my classroom, the overhead abruptly slid from my hands (I had grabbed it by a compartment that opens--oops) and hit me in the temple...ouch. Really, ouch. There was a little swelling right away, but that went away with some ice, and the bruise/red mark left is very small.

I feel so much better today and ready for the break. Sooo, I decided that today would be the day to start potty training. What!!?? Yeah, we'll see how it goes. I think I've typed these words before---I DON'T REMEMBER POTTY TRAINING THE BOYS. It's so bizarre, because I DO remember potty training Chel--it was right before she turned two. I remember the little potty chair, setting it in the kitchen, and giving her M&M's for rewards. I know the boys were potty trained when they were 3, and that once Matt was trained during the day, he never had an accident during the night, and that when Kyle was around 6 or 7, I told him he wasn't going to wear diapers to bed anymore (even though they were wet every morning), and from that night on, he never wet the bed. But that's it. I'm guessing it wasn't easy, but maybe like childbirth, I've forgotten just how "painful" it was. lol

Day one with Evan:

I put the thick, big boy underwear on him this morning after he woke up around 7:30.

Around 8:30, I started taking him to the bathroom every half an hour. He protested, but the Elmo potty seat helped distract him a bit.

I poured the warm water.

Nothing...until 11:00....he clapped, smiled; I clapped, smiled. And I thought to myself, "Look how long he can stay dry-- 3 and a half hours!" Well, no. First, he didn't drink very much in the morning.

To sum up the next hour, he went pee 3 or 4 times---the first unscheduled time he had taken off the underwear, and I saw him looking down there. As soon as I saw a single drop, I said "no" and rushed him to the toilet. He went a little. He then went a couple more times--a little each time--in big boy underwear. Sigh.

We'll see how it goes. I definitely don't want this summer to become a stressful time. I'm thinking I'll buy some pull-ups to take some of the pressure off of following him around, although I'm fairly certain he won't want to keep those on.

Besides the fact that I'm on summer vacation,

part of my reasoning for doing this is that he doesn't like to keep a diaper on...especially when he goes to bed. I have to put the diaper on, a pair of underwear over that, and then a onesie to keep him from taking it off. And during the day, he'll often take it off right after he wets in it, or like the other day, poops in it.

~~~~~~

It's been absolutely lovely having Chelsey home for the past month. In just a short time, she has taught Evan where his hair, ears, nose, teeth, eyes, belly button, elbows, fingers, knees, toes, and "tooshy" are! After we ask him where they are, he'll point to them and then say them fairly clearly.

His favorite is his tooshy.

He gets on his hands and feet, sticks his tooshy up in the air, and says "tooshy." So funny. Sometimes when we ask, he starts to point to the wrong body part, but then catches himself and corrects himself. Funny again. Yesterday, I grabbed the camera to try to record this, but he had been doing it a while, so his "performance" was a bit week. I'll try again when he's refreshed.

Randoms

I went to see Chelsey today! She, her roommate, and I went out to eat at Fazoli's, then we stopped at Lowe's (bought some Forsythia's--warm memories from childhood), and then it was off to Wally World (yuk). It was a last minute plan to go see her--I really need to plan these trips better so that I can spend more time with her and do more than go shopping. BUT, she's coming home soon for the summer--yeah!--so I don't need to worry about that planning until next year. Her roommate, who was carrying my camera, got a "great" picture of me lugging Chelsey's fridge across the parking lot--don't think I need to post that. That thing was heavy, and although Chelsey is stronger than me (really), I have longer arms which I think maybe made carrying it a little easier...at least that's the theory we came up with.

Last week, Kyle and Matt went over to Kyle's Best Buddie's house for a game night (Matt's buddy also went). The boys brought along their Star Wars Battleship and Trouble...they seemed to have a great time! Once again, love the Best Buddies program!

Several weeks ago, Matt and Kyle were in the variety program at school. It was similar to what Kyle did last year--they sang with some of the members of the choir. Last year, the song (that was written at the school) was "Everyday Heroes." This year, it was "Count On Me." Matt made it ever so clear that he didn't want to do it, but like so many things, we basically said, "Tough, you're doing it anyway!" We do this, well, because in most circumstances, he ends up enjoying whatever it is that we're trying to get him to do. And this was no exception. They had 3 practices, and after the first, he was fine with it. He seemed very happy and pleased with himself after each of the 2 performances. I even think I saw his lips moving during the song! :)

And Evan, let's see...he's been jumping--a lot-- recently. His behavior in stores has also deteriorated recently. He used to thoroughly enjoy grocery shopping; the last few times, he has not been content--a little screaming, gets mad if I go a direction that he doesn't want to go, etc--maybe the "terrible twos" hitting a bit late. I'm looking forward to this summer where I will have so much one on one time with him.

Time for bed...need to get there soon because I'm predicting Evan will be up in about 4 hours...maybe crying, maybe jumping, maybe "reading"....or just maybe, he might sleep through tonight....

Happy Halloween!

This year, it doesn't look like any of the kids will be dressing up, so I've put on photos from years past. First, a little of our history of Halloween. In one word--"torture." When the boys were younger, I wanted so badly to have an enjoyable time trick-or-treating with my kids. No. Until the year of the Pirates, they would end up in tears or would just plain "lose it" by the end. I don't know, maybe one of the years of the Ghosts (we did that one 2 years in a row) may have gone alright. It just wasn't there thing. And it took me a few years to accept that. Actually, after they got too old to go out, they expressed a little interest in dressing up; well, at least Kyle did. Matt, no. He does, though, thoroughly enjoy having people come to our house, but unfortunately, with our "trick-or-treating on the square" (area around the courthouse), we usually don't have too many people come to the house.

Last year, Kyle went to a Halloween party with Best Buddies----and LOVED it! He was "salt." I know I have that picture somewhere around here, but I'm not sure where at the moment.

I may put a leftover clown costume on Evan tonight just to get a picture, but it would be very pointless to take him out. A.---He doesn't know what candy is. B.---I kind of want to be here for the trick-or-treaters. C.----The most important reason.....he wouldn't like it one bit. Why torture him so that he can get of bagful of stuff that he wouldn't be eating? Maybe next year.

I kind of wish that I made something for the boys just to wear around here, but time got away. Next year.

These are pictures of pictures...the scanner isn't hooked up at the moment...hasn't been since we moved here!

Surprise!

Yay! Chelsey came home for the weekend! John worked half a day because he had some things he wanted to get done around the house. I called him about a half hour after school had ended, and he was asking when I was going to be home; I said soon. I ended up staying longer than I expected, and he called and asked when I was leaving. Kind of odd that he would do that; normally if he is home early, he tells me to take my time at school, because he knows I often try to rush out so that I can get Evan. He was telling me that the boys were really excited because we got our TV back today--it had been in for repairs for approximately 2 weeks---I bought that excuse.

So I get home, and he tells me to sneak into Chelsey's room because Evan is in there, and I could surprise him. I opened the door, and there stood Chelsey! A total surprise. Her car was parked in the garage, and John knows that I often don't put away the van when I get home, so the surprised wasn't going to be ruined.

I normally do not like to be surprised; this was definitely an exception. She and I did a little shopping in Lafayette. Tomorrow, we plan on taking a family trip to Stuckey's--apple orchard/pumpkin patch. Chelsey has never been a big fan of going there, but I tell her that's all part of the tradition! It just wouldn't be the same going and not having her mention how she doesn't like going there. Someday Chel, someday.

Happy Birthday x 3!

Happy Birthday Kyle! (19th)

Happy Birthday Matt! (20th)

Happy Birthday Chelsey! (21st)

For several years now, Matt has not been a big fan of having a birthday, so I'm not sure how "happy" his is! He always wants to "skip it."

Chelsey is home! Yay!

Her e-mail account was stolen a couple of days ago and the bozo sent out one of those completely bogus e-mails about being in some foreign country, helping the less fortunate, bag was stolen, blah, blah, blah. What an idiot. I know, I should feel sorry for how pathetic that person's life is.

Time to start the celebrations! (Actually, it's time to go to the store and buy something for Kyle and Chelsey. The ironic thing is that the one child that doesn't want a birthday is the only one who we already have a present for).

2 to 18

It's so hard being away from Evan. I know I would be thoroughly enjoying my new teaching job if it weren't for my desire to spend every second with him. I do enjoy my class---great kids---I'm so fortunate for my first year of teaching! It's just that beautiful little boy keeps tugging at my heart....and keeping me awake at night to voice his disapproval of my absence during the day.

Chelsey seems very happy so far at school...right Chel? I still think your room looks more comfy than your new place!

The Incredible Journey

My little girl is starting her new journey. John brought her to school yesterday...an hour and fifteen minutes away. I went today to "hang out" with her for a while. It's so strange not knowing what she is doing right now. Her bedroom looks lonely when I pass by it. My eyes are swollen. How did time go by so fast?? I remember so clearly....straining to keep my eyes open to look at her after she was born....22 months old....her sneaking out of her bed and trying to quietly walk down the hall....we would say, "I wonder if Chelsey is still in bed,".....we would loudly get off the couch.....we would then hear her little feet run down the hall, and then she would leap into bed, cover up, and close her eyes and pretend she was asleep.....our walks to the beach.....her reaction when we were driving home from the hospital with Kyle after he was born--"It's moving"......countless memories. She's a big girl now--that didn't take very long...not long enough.

Tagged!

Beth from Fragile What!? tagged me for this "First Born." How appropriate to be talking about Chelsey!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? yes
2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? no
3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? excited, and then wow, what have I done!
4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? absolutely not
5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 18
6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? I was in the A.F. at the time in California; it was soon after returning from home from Christmas break......1 day late and I went to their clinic for the blood test
7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? The people that were around me
8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? kind of, but John definitely did not, so I decided I wouldn't
9. DUE DATE? September 17
10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? only once very early in the pregnancy....I ate some jelly beans very early in the morning and they came right back up
11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? food
12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST? hot weather
13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD’S SEX? girl
14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? I don't remember
15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT YOUR PREGNANCY? 50 lbs
16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? Yes
17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? A surprise (I don't like surprises.....my husband just shaved his goatee without telling me first.....not happy) (he hasn't had it very long and I wasn't a fan of it at first, but now I am------too late)
18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? No
19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? Connecticut
20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? contractions started exactly at mid-night, about 5 minutes after I had fallen asleep....we got to the hospital around 9:30 a.m., and she was born at 12:23 p.m.
21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? John
22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH? John, doctor, and a couple of nurses
23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? 100% all natural
24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? no
25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7lbs 14 oz
26. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN? September 21, 1989
27. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER? Chelsey ........we picked her name out a couple of weeks before she was born.....we were watching On Golden Pond, and John really wanted to use the name Chelsey----I agreed because I was tired of playing the name game. Before that, it was Jessica (Joshua for a boy). It took me a few months to get used to her name.

The Graduate and The 2 Year Old

A "For Sale" sign went in our yard on Thursday, Evan's birthday was on Friday, and Chelsey graduated on Saturday! We had family visiting to see Chelsey during this momentous time of her life. The past couple of weeks, I haven't had much sleep. On Sunday, my throat started to feel sore, and it's now turned into a nasty cold. Imagine that. At least it held off until everything was over so that I was able to enjoy it all. I say enjoy, which I did, but of course I stressed a lot too. I put out the welcome mat for this virus!

My Baby!

My big girl! (but still my baby...sorry Chel!)

Passing by while heading to her seat below

Matt and Kyle, taking it all in, hoping and praying that they never have to do this! :)

The graduates


Standing with the Graduate (John forgot to smile :)




"Please stop taking my picture"

Yay Chelsey!


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The Birthday Boy



Yum!

His favorite new toy. He especially likes to bring the ball to someone so that they can take a shot!

I'm 2!


Enough procrastinating. There are cabinets and closets calling my name...

Awards and Words

This past week, John, Chelsey, and I were invited to a dinner at the high school for the "Top Ten Banquet." This is an awards night where the top ten in the class are recognized, as well as the top student in each department and the class officers. Chelsey received her award for the top student in music. Yay for Chelsey! She was in band from 6th grade through 11th grade (she plays the flute), and then for her senior year, she decided to take choir instead. That switch was a great idea; she has an awesome voice! She also can play the piano. We got a letter in the mail yesterday inviting us to the Senior Honor Night program where she will be receiving another award! I'm not sure how this night is different from the other one. We'll have to wait and see :)

Chelsey and John

~~~~~~~

Last night, Evan and I were looking through the photos on my camera. There were several of him in his crib playing "crib soccer." This is a game that John started with him several months ago. John would say, "One, two, three, kick!" and kick the ball in. Evan would then laugh, get the ball, and throw it back out after John would slowly say, "Throw the ball." For a couple of weeks, Evan was saying, "Dough duh ball," but we haven't heard that in a couple of months, and it's probably been a few weeks since the game has been played. Well last night, John joined us while we were looking at the pictures. Evan, with an extreme look of concentration, looked at John and slowly said, "Drough duh ball." It was so cute! He said it a few times, and even though it was close to bedtime (and this game winds him up a bit), we just had to play crib soccer! He didn't say it while we were playing, but he was having a good laugh. I'm guessing it will be a while before we hear it again ): The only consistent words he has are "ball," "uice," and "mommmmm," and even those aren't daily. Sometimes, he'll say something that makes one think, 'Did he just say that?' It's kind of random.

Celebrate good times, come on!

Chelsey got a letter in the mail today (in a large envelope) from her college of choice.....Indiana Wesleyan University. She wasn't home yet, and I, of course, couldn't open her mail. But, it was a fairly thin envelope, and when held up to the light...... Let's just say, I got my camera ready for when she returned home :)

I was trying to play it cool, but she wanted to take the letter up to her room before opening it! I convinced her to stop on the stairs to open it. You know, as a concerned parent, I just wanted to know what else Chelsey needed to do for the application process ;)

Her reaction!

Proud mommy with amazing daughter!

Mother Daughter Luncheon

Yesterday, Chelsey and I went to the mother daughter luncheon at church. The theme was "quilts." After we ate, we listened to a few speakers. One explained how quilts are much like our lives. Some of the colors we use in a quilt are there only because they complement the other pieces; we may not really care for the color. But each piece plays an important part of making the quilt complete. Just like in our lives, we go through the good times and the bad, but it's all part of God piecing the quilt of our life together; all the pieces fit together. The final speaker was a woman in her 20s who had lost her husband 5 years ago in a farming accident. It was amazing how she was able to "hold it together" while telling her life story (my eyes were welling up); what a strong and inspiring person.

Update on the quilt I'm making for Chel: I finally picked out the material, and it's in the washing machine waiting to be put into the drier. I need to pick up the pace! OK, in my defence, I had to go out of town to get the material; I couldn't find the "right" material here. Quicker progress should taking place from now on. (Unless, of course, I get too busy preparing for her graduation ;)

Yesterday afternoon, Chelsey and I did a little shopping. Let it be known, I don't like shopping, especially on the weekends. I'm not a crowded mall kind of person. We were on a mission to find a white dress for graduation---not an easy task. After trying a few on, and walking through several stores searching for white dresses, we found one in the LAST store that we went to....Sears. It turned out to be a good find all around, because Sears was having their 75% off sale on already marked down items. I was able to get a few shirts and sweaters out of the trip :)

School and Play

It was a nice weekend with warm weather and no plans. We spent so much time outside. The boys picked up sticks off the yard; it was their share of spring cleanup.
They played some basketball, blew bubbles for Evan (well, it was for them, too!), and chalked up our driveway.

Evan actually got to a point in the morning, after about 2 and a half hours of being outside, where he went to the door and wanted to go inside (he headed straight for his crib). Nice change from me having to bring him and then him getting a little upset.

In the afternoon, a friend of mine drove by and asked if we wanted to have a play date. Sure! We don't get that opportunity often. We went down to a small park near us, and of all days, there was a birthday party going on... a lot of people. It's a very small park, and there are only two baby swings. When I bring Evan there, it's the first thing he heads to. With there being so many people, "his" swing was occupied for quite a while. So he walked around for a while, watched people playing games, and generally seemed content. I got him to go up the stairs so that we could go down the slide together; he liked that. And he sat on the small merry go round as it went around slowly. And of course, he took some time to watch cars go by. Overall, it was a good time!

I went to the high school this evening for conferences. All the teachers are set up at desks in the gymnasium, and when parents walk in, they are given a "map" of where the teachers are and their child's report card. After I talked to Kyle's teacher about Kyle, I asked her if she had heard anything about Matt being in her class next year. Yes, she had. We need to have a conference...soon. I think that what will end up happening is that even though she has a moderate class, she might be his teacher of record, and we can still send him out to other classes as needed. This way, he has a home-base type situation, which he has had since he started school. If he is in the mild program, he'll transfer to different classes (mostly co-taught), and then end up in the MO room when there is nowhere else for him to go (which is basically how they explained it to me at the conference at the beginning of the year). The MO teacher wasn't at that conference, which didn't make any sense if they were planning on sending him there! I'm not too thrilled with either of the options (which are basically the same option--if that makes sense).

To sum up what Chelsey's teachers said, "She is such a delight to have in class!" Awwwww

Quilts are Beautiful!

This photo was taken the day we brought Matt home from the hospital---14 and a half years ago. I love the way Kyle is looking at his little brother; it's as if he's saying, "I have a best friend for life!" They are so good for each other.

The quilt that they are on (folded in half) was made by my mom. It was supposed to be for our couch, but Kyle quickly adopted it as his own. It was his source of comfort, especially on trips. The material belonged to my grandma....very old material. Because of this, it couldn't handle the constant usage that Kyle gave to it (uh, the image below).

My mom is quite fine with what happened to the quilt; she's happy that he was able to enjoy it. He retired it about a year ago when I bought one from the store. My mom is currently working on another one for him (with newer materials). It has pieces that both she and I had cut out.

I love quilts! I have made 3 baby quilts, but it's been a while. I've started some, but they get pushed aside, and I don't get back to them. I recently cut out all the squares to make one for Chelsey, but during a trip to the store a few days ago, I learned that they weren't the "right" colors. She didn't know that I was planning this quilt (I spilled the beans at the store), and when we were looking at material, she was telling me how much she loved the colors pink and grey together (that's not even close to the dark blue and light blue colors I had chosen). The quilt is going to spell out her name, actually, half her name---Chel. Quilting is very relaxing for me (I do it all be hand), but I rarely make time for it. I'll post pictures of my progress (putting that in black and white should help to keep me going on it ;)

The Oldest and the Youngest

Chelsey should be home soon from her overnight visit with friends at Indiana Wesleyan U. Of course, while she was there, she filled out an application because it's just "so nice" there. Chel, I think the first class that you need to take wherever you end up going should be an Economics class :) Hope you had fun; can't wait to hear and read (lol) all the details!

Evan enjoyed one of his newer favorite activities this morning--watching cars go by. He loves going outside. All week, he has been bringing me either his jacket or mine. So, we spent at least 45 minutes, in the cool windy weather, standing at the end of our driveway, so that he could watch cars go by. We get about 1 car per minute. When there is a break in the action, he sometimes will walk around the driveway or head towards the sidewalks. But we end up back at the end of the driveway. And when it's time to go in, I can see the almost 2 year old in him coming out. As we start heading to the door to go inside, his body starts to go limp. After we get inside, I help him get to the floor (otherwise he would throw himself down pretty hard), and he cries for about 10 minutes, big tears and all. I do feel badly for him; being outside is wonderful, especially when it's not cold out!

We haven't been hearing too many words recently. Ball still comes out on a somewhat regular basis, but that's about it. He makes various sounds, and he's doing a lot of pointing. And when he really wants something, he stretches his neck forward, and we can see the veins in his neck bulging as he gives a big "EEEEEEEEEE!" That translates into a lot of different words :)

Pictures

Chelsey and Kyle after their Big Broadcast performances

Matt shooting some hoops....what form!


Evan choosing his books at the library

Kyle with his library selections

Above: the seeds from last year's salvia flowers

Below: my attempt at planting the seeds; keep your fingers crossed

Chelsey will never be too old for an Easter basket

Kyle and his new cards from his Easter basket

Evan pointing at the camera; he likes to look at himself. He also likes to climb on to the couch. Last week, after attempting a headstand on the couch, he fell right on the top of his head. I saw it happening but couldn't stop the fall. I think I cried as much as he did.